Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
