from now on my penis is your penis
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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