Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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