just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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