If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
