I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
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