Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
