pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
