Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize