you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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