A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
