remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
