Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
so much tequila, so little girl.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
