Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
