so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
