I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
