And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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