so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
4 words: hood of his car
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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