I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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