Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
