I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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