Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
