i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize