alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
