I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
