i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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