It's Friday. Sex?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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