i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
