THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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