JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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