I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
