we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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