bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize