He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
