and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
