I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
