Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
