Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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