Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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