I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize