dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
