im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Can I color on your dick again?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize