If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
