I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
