Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I have post one night stand depression
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