It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
