Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
