That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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