i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
