You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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