epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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