my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
