I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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