We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
