I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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