I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
