And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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