Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
