Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
