I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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