im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize