shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
