real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
