Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Come on in and take your pants off
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