Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
