Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
