The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
