then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
