I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize