I can text with my tongue
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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