Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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