I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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