well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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