Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
