am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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