Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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