It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
