I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
