why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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