I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
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