the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
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