I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
