big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
