Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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