2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
