Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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