why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
