I want to make a zoo with you.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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