you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
