This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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