I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Found the puke drawer
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize