i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Panties = found
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