im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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