He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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