Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
