the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Actions speak louder than pants.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
