I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
how drunk are you?
Several
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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