there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize