i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
