So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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