turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
