My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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