I think I am morally bankrupt
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
did you just send me my own nude
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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