She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
