The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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