i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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