Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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